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Critics challenge Duck to do Rehab!

Duck DefiantIn what looked, to most educated voters, like an underhanded, conspiratorial attack, critics from virtually all quarters today simultaneously challenged Ottawa Mayoral Candidate Darrel Duck to commit to a rehab program of at least 30 days if he is, ‘by some miracle’, elected to the City’s highest office.

“We might as well get it over with right off the bat,” an Open Letter signed by various community leaders, journalists and law enforcement officials states.

Duck reacted with shock, righteous indignation and even a little humility, reinforcing his steadfast position that what he does on his own time is his own business and will not affect the way he runs the City.

“Do I use drugs?” Duck went on. “Sure. But who doesn’t? I’d be a total wreck without my allopurinol, blood pressure meds and lorazipam. What other nonagenarian out there wouldn’t be?”

Addressing charges in the Open Letter that video exists of Duck taking controlled substances, the Candidate countered, “I have a prescription from my family doctor for that cortisone. My knees would never hold up under the pressure of a tough campaign like this without it!”

“There will certainly be no mid-day liquor store runs by City employees from my office,” Duck proclaimed, defiantly, allowing that he might phone out for Sushi now and then.


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