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Duck Byte: Candidate Promises No ‘Family Ties’

Q: Your Opponents have been making much of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s decision not to run for his city’s highest office again after all, in light of his recent tumour diagnosis. They note that Ford’s brother, Doug, is running in Rob’s place while Rob will, instead, run for City Council in his home ward. However… The Ford Family Ballot Shuffle has revealed that a Ford nephew was slated to run for council in Ford’s home ward but stepped aside for the ailing Rob and will, instead, run for Board of Education. Are you planning to build a similar family empire here?

A: There will be no Duck Dynasty in Ottawa! I made my decision to run for Mayor in Canada’s Greatest City based on my own hopes, desires and fears for the future of my home place, not with the notion of riding my celebrity status to the political heights to feather the nests of members of my extended family.

Daffy and Donald - Not Exactly Buds
Duck and Cousin Donald: Not always on the best of terms…

I’ve heard the grumblings among my opponents. They point, with suspicion, to the fact that my cousin, Donald, and his nephews have been conspicuously absent from my campaign. Well, I can assure you they’re not lurking in the wings, waiting to make a dramatic entrance! They live in Anaheim! You could go there today and shake wings with them on the main drag at Disneyland. I know for a fact that Donny has no interest in politics. He did give it serious thought in his younger days, but lucrative contractual obligations with Disney and the probable consequences of his unfortunate speech impediment prevailed.

Besides, Donny and I have not always been on the best of terms. Not the tightest of buds, if you know what I mean.


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