In spite of a solemn promise not to disrupt the proceedings with any out-of-control, zany behaviour, candidate Darrel ‘Daffy’ Duck has been dropped from any remaining Ottawa Mayoralty Campaign debates.
“I went out of my way to be fair,” Duck insists. “I promised to keep my cool and show up clean and sober. All I wanted was the same chance as any other candidate to have my views heard and to confront my opponents on their obvious shortcomings.”
A letter received this morning from the events’ organizers indicated that, in their sole opinion, he does not qualify for a place at the podium because he is not considered a ‘serious’ candidate. The letter also calls into question Duck’s ability to meet even the most basic of qualifications for participation, charging specifically that he is not bilingual.
“I speak several languages fluently,” Duck counters. “Though my mother tongue is Duck, I converse like a native in English, Spanish, Californian and Goose. In addition, I have a working knowledge of Crow, Blue Jay, Cardinal and Robin, as well as Squirrel, Raccoon, White-tailed Deer and Coyote – all of which any serious politician needs to function effectively within our infinitely diverse community.”
Event organizers responded to Duck’s detailed, reasoned reply with a curt, unelaborated, “See? We told you so!”
Duck may not be able to take part in these important campaign debates, but he promises to campaign even harder in response to what he characterizes as bald speciesist discrimination.
“Calm and collected on the surface;
Paddling like Hell underneath
– for YOU!”